Love is not for Me
by strange1
Summary: AU season four. Oz left Willow as before, but Tara and she had met only once and had not yet become friends. Having broken her heart, Willow has a bad taste in her mouth for love. Can she and Tara become friends or something more?
1. Chapter 1

AN-What if season four hadn't gone exactly like it had for the gang. In my version, Willow did meet Tara in Wicca group but they had yet to become friends, so far. When Oz came back, he left only because it was Willow that brought out the wolfiness in him and not because Tara was in the picture vying for Willow's love. This had turned Willow greatly against anything to do with love. What could make the two witches fall for one another? If you want, read and let me know if I should write more. Thanks in advance for your time and any support given.

Things had been all mopey for Willow over the past couple weeks. It had hit her hard when Oz had left the first time. But it had been even worse when he came back and they had realized that though they loved one another they could never be together. That was how life was at times. It didn't make the sense that you wanted it to.

The redhead had spent most of her time helping Buffy with the slaying, hanging with Xander and giving him advice with Anya, or at school studying. She had rarely gone to The Bronze. Only one or two more Wicca meetings had told her it was not for her. There didn't seem to one real witch in the bunch besides herself, except one that was so shy that they had only said hi to one another in the hallways.

No man had caught her eye since Oz had left. In fact, there was no desire at all to be in love anymore. What had happened had turned her off from love altogether. Buffy had tried to show her how good love could be with the blossoming relationship the slayer had found with Riley. Xander and Anya had their own little love thing going on. Though she was the only one, she didn't want it in any shape or form.

So the young witch was doing her usual routine. She had sat through the Psychology lecture by Professor Walsh on a bright and sunny Friday afternoon. It was time to recharge her batteries. The weeks were now tedious and the weekends just as long. It was time that she got her sugar rush as she usually did at this time before stopping by and seeing if Buffy and the gang needed her help as they usually did.

Today felt no different than the days that had lead up to it. The line at the coffee shop was as long as ever. The witch took to daydreaming as she usually did to pass the time away. She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder and turned to find herself looking into amazing blue eyes. Blond hair covered what looked to be a beautiful young woman's face. "Can I help you?" Her voice sounded more annoyed than she really felt. Instantly, she hated herself for having inflicted her bad mood on the young woman.

There was an instant redness to the just visible cheeks. Those blue eyes adverted themselves to anywhere but looking into emerald green ones. They adverted themselves so that they were not looking at any part of the redhead. "T-the guy just a-asked for your o-order." She swallowed hard and tried to look up. Her mind was willing but her emotions kept her nearly crippled.

"Oh." Willow smiled apologetically at the extremely shy woman looking down at her feet. "Thanks. I do get to daydreaming sometimes." When no response, she turned and ordered a mocha and a cinabun. Finding an empty table was turning into the ultimate goal. Finally, she found a place in the back. It was just her luck because that was how she liked to spend her days, alone and secluded.

It didn't take long for the redhead to get engrossed in her own little world once again. It took her several minutes to look up and realize that the same shy blond was nervously standing in front of her holding a latte and a cinabun. "I-I think you like to b-be alone. I-if you don't m-mind, I'll sit here q-quietly and k-keep to myself. There are n-no other places to s-sit." A sad but hopeful smile was on her face.

Willow quickly scanned the coffee shop. It was still milling with people. To her hearts annoyance, she knew that there was no place else for the young woman to go. Being so shy, she probably wouldn't say two words to her. Who was she to turn away a person in need? "All right. Can't have you standing and trying to eat your sweetness. I hope you don't mind if I keep reading."

"N-no. N-not at all." Tara smiled a nervous smile in appreciation and quickly sat opposite of the redhead. Her thoughts were to the first time that she had seen her. It was in that silly Wicca group. No one there knew what a real witch was. But she did. And she suspected that Willow did as well. There had been a vibe that she felt from the young woman. There was a power there that she had never sensed before.

The two sat in silence for nearly half an hour while they slowly sipped their coffees and ate there cinabuns. Willow had continued to read her Psychology book and stare off into space. Her thoughts kept going back to Oz and how much, though he hadn't meant to, he had broken her heart. Love was becoming a four letter word for her. Being around Buffy and Xander with their respective loves was becoming torturous. Tara had kept stealing glances at the redhead. She was more than beautiful, she was amazing. They shared one class together. It was English Lit. Though she knew that the redhead had no idea that they were even on the same planet most of the time. But she knew all too well.

Willow looked up at the clock. It was past the time that she would usually meet the gang. But lately, she was running behind most of the time. Before, her trait was to get to every place early. Now, she really didn't have a reason to show up other than to pass the time that she called a life. "You really are quiet." Tara jumped at the sound of her voice. "Sorry to startle you like that. I was just going to let you know I have to get going. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." Instantly, the witch regretted saying that. Not that the young woman didn't seem nice, it was just that she didn't really want anyone extra in her life right now. Buffy and the gang were enough for her.

"I-it's all right." There was another meek smile upon the blond's face. "I-I was lost in m-my own world too. P-perhaps we will s-see each other around." Instantly, she could feel a warmness to her cheeks. She knew that they were probably nearly fire engine red at this point. It was hard for her to talk to strangers. But it was even harder for her to talk to women.

"Cool. Take it easy." Willow packed up her stuff and made it to the garbage can were she took care of her trash. Something made her turn and wave at the young woman to which a wave was timidly given back. There was something about her, but she didn't know what. But her life was too complicated to involve any, even just as a friend. So, she pushed the blond out of her mind and made her way to the Scooby meeting.

Tara, however, sat quietly for several moments. She had watched Willow slowly walk away from her. The other woman was amazing in her looks. There was something special about her, Tara just knew it. But she couldn't place it. Did Willow really want to become friends or had she just been polite to the shy girl. Of course, there was something else brewing inside of the blond. It was something she would have to be extremely careful of. The last thing she needed or wanted was to be hurt. Of course, she didn't want to hurt anyone either. Perhaps it was better that she avoid Willow. Already she could feel herself falling for her. That would mean great danger to the redhead if what her father had told her was to come true. So, avoidance. That was the answer. But the pull just might be too powerful for her to resist.


	2. Chapter 2

AN-Thanks for the feedback. Always welcome. I hope you like my story. I'll try, once again, to update often. Here goes.

"What does he mean to you?!" Oz was in a rage that Willow had never seen him before. Usually her boyfriend was cool, calm and collect. But since he had been hanging out with Verruca and her band, things had changed. It was as if the animal in him had come out, larger than life. It made the witch fear for her own safety.

"Who?" Willow was cornered just outside the dorm room that she shared with her best friend Buffy. The two were not as close as they had once been. Their lives were taking them in different directions. Some would call it the college rules. But the witch just felt that both had outgrown that need they had for one another. Or was she being too cold?

"You know who!" There was venom in his voice that shook the redhead to her very soul. This was not the man that she had fallen in love with so many years ago. This was the werewolf in man's clothing. It terrified her to think what was just below the surface that he was so close to bursting forth.

Willow tried to free herself from the grip that he now had on her wrist. But his strength was nearly quadruple what she had. Again, fear was beginning to overtake every fiber of her being. "I don't know, Oz. Please, Sweetie, just tell me who. There is no one else, I promise you that. You are the first and only for me."

"Hah!" Oz let go of her arm. But his menacing stance kept her pinned to the wall. "I highly doubt that. I can smell his scent on you. It's all over you. The only way his scent would be that strong is if you were sleeping with Brian!"

That made the witch's heart skip a beat. Not because she had been untrue to Oz, but because he could smell things that normal humans couldn't. "I told you about that two weeks ago. I'm tutoring him in Psychology. Professor Walsh asked me too and I couldn't say no. She said that it would count as extra credit toward my grade. And you know I've always tried to tutor those that need it."

A growl escaped from the werewolf. In fact, his features were slowing beginning to change. There was a blur between the man and the werewolf now. There was acid in his voice as he spoke. "That, my dear, is untrue. I followed you. I saw how he kept leaning in and whispering in your ear. That was in the library. Imagine what happened when you two were alone in your dorm room!"

Willow swallowed hard. She could sense now that there was no explaining what happened. Oz was convinced she was seeing someone else. But she would never betray him like that, not again. It had taken a long time to gain his trust back. It had taken longer for him to truly love her once again. "We were never alone in the room. Buffy and Riley were there the whole time. They were going over a Psychology project together. You can ask either one of them." Her entire body was beginning to shake violently now the fear that was becoming almost unbearable.

"They would lie for you." Oz growled deep in his throat. In a matter of seconds, he had completed the transformation into werewolf. This was the first time he had ever morphed without there being a full moon. It sent more shivers up and down her spine. The werewolf Oz howled and lunged at her. As he did, Buffy came along and tackled him to the ground.

"Willow, a little help here?" But the witch was frozen to the ground, clutching her stomach with her hand. Though his fangs had missed their target, his claws had not. There was a gush of blood oozing from her now exposed belly. "Willow!" That still didn't awaken the witch. Buffy grabbed Oz's head and began smashing it into the ground. Finally, there was one last whimper and the werewolf fell into oblivion of black. Quickly, the slayer dragged him to their shared dorm room and locked the door. She quickly made her way back to her best friend. "Willow, are you all right?"

The witch blinked a few times before looking up at her best friend. "I am so not all right." Slowly, she tried to stand but the pain from the gash on her stomach was too much. "I think you need to get me to a hospital and stat." With that, there was only darkness. A day later, she was still in the hospital. Had the cuts been any deeper, she would not have survived the attack. There was a quiet knocking on the door. In a meek voice she called out for whoever it was to enter.

The door slowly opened revealing Oz on the other side. Behind him, Willow could she Buffy who pulled back her sweater to reveal a tranquilizer gun. That gave the witch a little bit of comfort, but not much. The werewolf slowly made his way beside the hospital bed. "How are you feeling?"

Willow could not bring herself to look at him. She was still too afraid. Seeing him brought back both the emotional and physical pain that he had inflicted. "All right, I guess. Been better, that's for sure." He tried to hold her hand, but she pulled back quickly. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Oz already had an edge to his voice that the redhead instantly feared. Taking a deep breath, the werewolf sighed to let himself collect his thoughts. "I'm sorry. I was wrong to accuse you of anything. I know you weren't doing anything. It's just that as of late, I feel so angry and suspicious all the time."

Finally, Willow managed to bring herself to look at him. Standing there was the Oz that she had fallen in love with. There was the man that was so kind and gentle he wouldn't hurt a soul. But she could also see the man that had tried to kill her the night before. It was beginning to be too much for her. "And that's why you were able to wolf out like that?"

Oz shrugged. "I'm not sure. It's never happened to me before. I just felt so out of control. I felt like you were slipping away from me."

"Only in your mind." Willow took her gaze away from him. "But now, I'm not so sure we can be together. What if I'm the one that brings this out in you? Not only am I not safe but neither are the people around me. Innocent people that don't even know who you are. I'm beginning to not know who you are. I just wish…"

"What?" Oz once again had that acid in his tone. "That you could screw everyone but me? That I don't count anymore?" With that, all the redhead could see were fur, fangs, and claws flying at her.

"Buffy!" Luckily for Willow, Buffy had used her slayer hearing had been listening to what was going on behind closed doors. Willow yelped as claws once again found her. Oz also yelped as one of the tranquilizers found their mark. "I can't do this! I'm not strong enough. Oz is going to kill me!"

Willow sat up in bed. She was visibly shaking and her body was soaked with sweat. Glancing at the alarm clock, she knew what time it was before she looked. Sure enough, three in the morning. The dreams had haunted her every night since Oz had left. After the hospital incident, he had left without saying a word. He had just left a note saying how much he still loved her and wanted nothing more than to be with her.

In the dark, she felt her stomach and her arm. There were the scars, actually touchable lines on her skin, from where he had clawed her. They were constant reminders of how much love could hurt. They were constant reminders of why not to let someone get too close to you. That was why the witch wanted nothing more to do with love.

* * *

Across campus, Tara was having trouble sleeping as well. She too had continual nightmares. They were different yet the same. She feared one thing more than anything in the world. Her fear was of becoming the demon that her father had said she would and not being able to contain the evil inside of her and lashing out at someone.

The dreams had changed, just a bit. The dreams frightened her more than anything now, for there was a new face in her dreams. Before, there had been no one in particular. They had been like faceless people in her dreams. But now, there was a crystal clear picture on those innocent bystanders. A beautiful redhead with emerald green eyes was the one that she wanted to be hurting. And that was almost too much for her to handle.


	3. Chapter 3

AN-Thanks for the reviews. I know Oz was a bit scary. I don't think he'd have ever done that on the show. But I needed an extreme way for Willow to not want love. Hope you enjoy where I take it from here.

Things had been quiet for the past two weeks. There were no big monsters as of yet. But Willow knew that could change in a heartbeat. Not since she had met Buffy had her life seen some kind of a resemblance to normal. That included what had happened with Oz. In part, she blamed the slayer for what happened. It was crazy, but had she not given her the confidence to go for it, she never would have agreed to go out with Oz in the first place.

Now, she lived a life that was utterly dull and boring. Outside of the occasional spell that she had to cast for the gang, she pretty much kept out of the slaying business. She figured she already had enough scars, both physical and emotional, to last a lifetime. Besides, getting yourself involved with anyone just lead to more pain. Again, she'd had enough of that to last forever.

The young witch had kept pretty much to her routine. There was one thing she was going to try once again, though she had felt and still did feel that most of the women there were just posers and would be scared if they ever saw a real witch. But something was drawing her there and it was not like she had anything better to do.

Her own dorm room had been invaded the past few nights. Riley was there more often than not. He was a member of a fraternity and had his own room so why did they have to invade her space? It was also showing her a thing that she wanted nothing more to do with. Her life would be forever love free if she had anything to say about it.

Of course, she knew that sometimes you couldn't help but fall in love. Buffy had never been able to get over her first and truest love ever. But theirs too was a love that could never be consummated. Their relationship could be nothing more than words. Though as hard as they tried, they knew that it would never have lasted. That was part of the reason that Angel had gone to the city of angels.

Unfortunately, the witch had nowhere to go. She was stuck in Sunnydale until she graduated. Her parents had made it clear that they would pay for her college only if she went to the school that they approved and that it was close to home. It was funny to her because she never saw them anymore so what was the point of her living so close?

Finally, her mind was drawn back into the here and now. The Wicca group was nearly over which she was eternally grateful for. It had been as the last time, with one exception. There was a young blond woman that seemed to know more than the group had. But of course, that didn't take much for these wannabes. Had she been there the last time she had suffered through the group? Only thing the redhead knew for sure was that she remembered her from the coffee place and that there was more to her than just a Blessed Wanna Be.

Both were the last to get up after the meeting had concluded. They sat there for a moment before Willow made the first move. She slowly came closer to her and sat down next to her. For a moment, they sat in quiet silence. "So, you think there are any other real witches in this group or is it just you and me?"

Tara looked at her through strands of blond hair. Part of her had wanted nothing more than to talk to her again. But there was another part of her that was afraid. Not because of a pending friendship but because she could do some real harm to the other witch in only a matter of time. "N-no." Her cheeks were an instant red. "I-I just came here b-because I'm all alone. I h-have no friends."

"That's sad." Willow was not about to let on how her own life had few friends in it. It was reluctantly that she kept the Scooby gang in any shape or form in her life. "I have a couple friends, but neither of them knows the first thing about witchcraft. In fact, no one in my life knows anything more than I do. I was wondering if you would like to get together and compare notes. Maybe even perform a spell or two. If it's not too much to ask. By the way, I'm Willow."

"Tara." The blond thought for a few moments. Perhaps if Willow had some power and some knowledge she'd be able to help her with her own problem. Of course, how to tell her about it without scaring her off would be the biggest problem. But to have a friend and one that was a fellow witch, that would be more than her heart could have ever hoped for. "I-I'd love to help you o-out. I-I've been looking for s-someone to learn with."

"Coolness." Willow felt herself truly smiling for the first time in months. The smile quickly faded as it scared and thrilled her at the same time. She would have to be careful not to get too attached to the young woman standing before her. "Not sure what your class schedule is like but I'm always free on the weekends, including Fridays after six. Even during the week I usually have some free time. With semester coming to end though I'll be having to study for my midterms as I'm sure you'll be too. So, let me know what time is good for you." She reached into her school bag and took out a scrap piece of paper. "Here's my number. Feel free to call me anytime. I do have a roommate, but she's hardly there."

"T-thanks." Tara could once again feel her cheeks burning. "W-well, I have to get g-going. I have a paper d-due for English Lit. Y-you do t-too. We h-have the same class."

"That's where I've seen you before, besides the coffee shop." Willow again felt that piercing of a real smile trying to invade her steely face. She would have none of that. Only half smiles so that she would not frighten the young woman were allowed. That was all that she allowed herself in life anymore. "You're right, I have my paper due. And I have one for Psychology. Well, hope to hear from you soon. Nice talking with you."

"N-nice talking with you." Tara watched Willow stand and make her way toward the exit of the common room. Now she had a name to go with the beautiful face. Her fears once again were trying to come to the surface. If she were not careful, she could get the young woman hurt and badly. There were stories her father talked about concerning her mother. The last one had caused her mother to go insane. That was where her mother was now, in a mental hospital.

Tara had tried to see her on more than one occasion, but the staff had refused to admit her because she was not listed as family. Her father had found out that she was gay and wanted nothing more to do with her. It was just another reason that she hated him so. Not that she truly needed a reason. He was a monster and so soon would she be. Hopefully, she wouldn't hurt innocents like her mother had, especially one innocent in particular.


	4. Chapter 4

AN-Hope you are enjoying my story. Not many reviews as of yet but that's ok. Just love writing for W/T. Take it easy all.

Tara sat alone in her dorm room where she spent almost all of her free time. The other day when she had run into Willow at the coffee shop had been an oddity of sorts. She didn't like to venture away from the confines of her room fear that her father would somehow find her was always at the back of her mind.

But things were changing inside of her. Things were not the way they had been just a short while before. One chance meeting had made the world open up, if only a bit. But it had also worsened her nightmares. That was the price she was going to have to pay if she were to learn to live once again.

The young witch pulled out a piece of paper that was quite worn by now. She smiled at the thought of how Willow had given her the number. It was sweet yet she had made it clear that this was not going to be a friendship only a learning arrangement for the both of them. It hurt a little that the redhead was so closed off. But then, she was one to talk. Her whole life had been closed off from the real world.

The blond made her way over to the telephone. She picked up the receiver and hung it up about twenty times. Finally, she picked it up and listened to the dial tone for so long that the operator came on with that annoying, 'if you'd like to make a call…' followed by the constant beeping. Taking a deep breath, she hung it back up and held it in her hand for a few minutes more.

Finally, she gathered her strength and dialed the number that she now had committed to memory. It took five rings before there was a voice on the other end. When it wasn't the one she had been hoping for, she hung up in a panic. When she had once again gathered her strength, she hit the redial button. This time, her call was answered on the second ring. It was that strange voice once again. "H-hi. M-my name is T-Tara. I met W-Willow in Wicca g-group the other day. I-is she t-there?" She was definitely nervous as her stuttering was even more pronounced than usual.

"Hold on." She could hear muffled talking in the background. It took a few minutes before the voice she had wanted to hear was coming through the receiver. "It's Willow. What's up?" There was almost an annoyance to her voice. It made Tara wished she hadn't bothered her at all. But she had and there was no turning back whatsoever.

"I-I just thought w-we could get together t-tomorrow night." Tara swallowed hard. Even before she had dialed, the thought of calling Willow had made her so nervous that her throat was a desert. Now, it was becoming constricted as well. "I-I mean if y-you're not busy. O-only if it's c-convenient for you. W-whatever works for y-your schedule."

That brought some dark thoughts to Willow's mind. But she would have to keep them to herself as she always did. "I'm definitely free." There was a bit of muffled conversation again. This time, it seemed that the voices were angry. "More free than I've ever been. So, you want to meet at your place? You said you were all alone. I hope I'm not overstepping in thinking that you have no roommate, unlike me?" There was a bitterness in her tone on the last word.

"N-no, you're not o-overstepping. I don't h-have a roommate." Tara was beginning to wonder if all of this was such a good idea or not. Willow was sounding more and more bitter and she couldn't help but wonder if the other witch's emotions would get in the way of any spell that they tried to cast. "W-we can m-meet anytime after five. I-if you want, I c-can order us a p-pizza. Whatever t-toppings you like. M-my treat."

For a moment, the kind gesture actually brought Willow out of her haze of bitterness and annoyance she was experiencing. But looking over at the slayer brought them back with a vengeance. She struggled to keep her tone from reflecting her feelings. This girl was still a total stranger to her and she didn't want to give anything away, not even her emotions. "Sounds good to me. I like all toppings, but extra cheesy is the best."

"M-me too." Tara smiled to herself. Again, she had to remind herself that this was just a meeting to figure out spells. There was nothing more to it and there never would be. "A-all right. I'll see y-you at f-five." There was no response, just the clicking of the phone going dead. She sighed heavily wondering exactly what she had gotten herself into.

* * *

It was five to five the next afternoon when Tara was struggling to open her door. She had a large cheesy pizza, a two liter of diet cola, and some brownies for dessert. As the pop went flying out of her hand, a familiar voice rang in her ears. "Come. You will obey." Just like that, the two liter of pop floated over to where the redhead was standing. Quickly, she made her way over and smiled a bit. "Looks like you could use some help. Give me the key and I'll open it for us."

Without a word, Tara did as she was told. Willow held the door open for her as she made her way into her room. She managed to let everything fall onto the bed without any further spillage or dishevelment. "T-thanks." Her smile was so radiant that for a moment, the redhead's heart skipped a beat. "I n-needed that e-extra hand. Y-you'll have to t-teach me how to do t-that."

Willow shrugged. "It's no big deal on both accounts. I've been doing levitation for a year or so now. I've just lately tweaked it so that the objects come to me. It's pretty cool when you're sitting alone in your room studying and you forget a book in your bag. Comes just like that." She snapped her fingers to illustrate. "I'm surprised you haven't picked it up. One of the first things I learned."

"W-well, my grandmother was t-teaching me till she d-died." Her face got a bit pale as she started to think of both her mother and grandmother. "T-then my m-mother got s-sick and I h-haven't had any teaching since then. W-wish I had your p-power. It seems to c-come so easily for you."

The redhead shrugged. "Giles, that's the guy that was sorta teaching me before, said I seem to have this natural ability. Even so, I need help in learning the spells in the first place. Then there are those that need more than one witch. That's where you and I doing this comes into play. That's why I need you." Willow practically choked on the words.

Tara could see that something was wrong. It was as if the worst thing in the world had happened. "Are you all right?" The blond slowly made her way toward the other witch. That caused Willow to take several steps toward the door. "D-did I d-do something o-or say something w-wrong?" There was a great fear rising inside her that she had scared off the one person she had made an effort to break out of her shell for.

"I'm not all right." Willow opened the door. "You did nothing wrong. I did. I was stupid to think this could actually work." She took several steps into the hallway and turned to see the tears in the corners of Tara's eyes. "I told you, it's nothing personally against you. It's me. It has been for months now. And I guess it always will be. I'm the one that's sorry."

With that, she was gone in a flash. Tara stared after her wondering what had just happened. She kept going over the last words that Willow had said to her and nothing added up to the reaction that she had received. It appeared that the redhead had demons of her own to work through. Perhaps she never would be able to. That made the blond wonder where exactly that left her. Because without someone's help, she would be better off ending her life rather than inflicting pain onto anyone else.


	5. Chapter 5

AN-Sorry bout the delay in updating. Hope you are still enjoying. I'll try and keep it updated regularly. Thanks for the reviews and any comments.

Tara sat in the very back of her English Lit class that she shared with Willow. It was probably why the young woman had never seen her before. Usually, the blond was the first to class and the last to leave. This made it easier to avoid people. When they got there, they were too preoccupied with their friends. Same with when they left. The blond did all this to avoid any kind of human contact.

Today would be no different than the past days. Part of her wondered why she continued to live at all. It was a dark thought that she hated terribly. If her mother were still around, than this would be somewhat of a mute point. She would have taken care of her and together they would have found a way to counteract what was coming.

That was the worst part of the events of the past few days. Finally she had found someone that had at least a little bit of knowledge of witchcraft. Most were like the Wicca group and thought of it nothing more than a religion or a belief mostly in preserving nature. She had to credit these people but it hadn't helped her.

Her first possible sign of hope after years and years in dark hope had been shattered into millions of tiny pieces. In retrospect, she should have been prepared for the worst. That was how she had lived her life up to this point knowing what lay ahead of her. But she had also felt something more than just hope toward the other witch. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, she had felt a connection with another human being.

That scared her so much. But it also thrilled her. To have someone else in her life that might understand what she was going through would be what everyone looks for in life. For someone to be there for her no matter what happened. Of course, she was more than willing to settle for someone that would just be friends and hang out with her.

That was a bit childish on her part, she had to admit. But nearly a lifetime alone had made her yearn for human contact. And now, the irony of it all was that she shut herself off from human contact to protect anyone that would try and get close to her. And to make it that much more ironic, she had found someone she wanted to have contact with.

The witch sighed heavily and tried to organize her thoughts. She watched carefully for the redhead so that she could hide herself away from view. The last thing she wanted was any kind of confrontation. All she wanted was to get through class and have the weekend locked up in her dorm room away from people in general.

That was when Willow walked in. For a moment, their eyes met. There was that bloody connection again that she felt like a lightning bolt hitting her directly in the heart. Their gaze held for a second longer than she would have liked. It was already difficult knowing that the other woman wanted nothing to do with her.

Finally, Willow made her way toward the middle of the class. Tara was reluctantly glad that the other witch had not come over and said hello. At this point, she knew in her heart that she could not even handle something as simple as that. All she wanted was to be left alone by the other woman. Soon, she would change and then nobody would have to even remember that she even existed.

* * *

Willow felt the twitter in her heart in an instant. It was the same kind of feeling she had once upon a time had felt for a certain werewolf. Though she instantly wanted to bolt out the door, she found herself still staring. It was something she hated more than she cared to admit. For these bloody feelings could lead to something more.

But they couldn't, could they? Quickly she forced herself to find her seat. The professor was there and going on and on about the papers each of them turned in. It was so easy to tune him out. For she was thinking about the feeling she had felt. It couldn't be the same as it had been for Oz. After all, Tara was female. She wasn't into girls.

The redhead stared straight at the professor trying to keep herself focused on the class. Anything was better than the disturbing thoughts she was having. Not disturbing because she possibly felt an attraction to another woman but disturbing because she felt an attraction of any kind to anyone on any level.

That was the last thing she wanted in her life was another so called friendship. By now, Xander was the only one who really made an effort to keep their friendship going. Buffy somewhat tried but was so preoccupied by her own life of Riley and the slayer thing that she found little time for her former best friend. That was actually fine with Willow as she would rather just slide through life and not have to worry about anyone else.

Those were dark thoughts indeed. Other disturbing thoughts kept creeping into her conscious mind. Again, they had to do with the blond. Tara was seemingly so innocently taking over her life. These latest thoughts were how badly she had treated the other woman. If she was any kind of decent human being she would have stayed long enough to explain at least a little.

But she had taken the cowards way out and had run at the first sign of a relationship. Lately, that was what she was hating most about what she had become since Oz had hurt her both emotionally and physically. She was becoming a coward and simply a lousy human being. She may not want to have feelings and suppress her own but others did have feelings. And she knew all too well from her own past just how easily and severely feelings can be crushed.

Sighing heavily, she realized that she had to do something to make it up to Tara. But why with her? That was another question for another day. It seemed that her conscience was getting the better of her and that she would have to something to make it up to the young woman. After all, if they were to become friends she could possibly learn more about witchcraft. That alone was a very appealing thought.

Finally, the professor had droned on long enough and the bell was ringing. Part of her hoped that Tara would sneak out before anyone else. To her dismay and to her delight, she found the blond 

still sitting at the back of the class. It took all the courage she could muster to make herself face the other woman. She cleared her throat and those amazing blue eyes were looking up at her. "Hey. Sorry. It's lame to say it like that I know. So, how about we go for pizza? If not tonight, we can get some anytime your free and either bring it back to your room or eat it there. And this time I promise no bailing. That wasn't right of me especially the way that I bailed and I'm totally sorry. And I'm babbling a bit aren't I?"

Tara smiled shyly at her. "Y-yes." She wanted to say how cute it was but felt that would not be such a good thing, at least not yet. "I-I'm free all w-weekend." She swallowed hard. Her mouth was so dry that words were hard to come by. "Y-you name the t-time and the p-place." Her face was instantly red.

"How bout tomorrow around six?" Tara nodded in response. "Cool. I'll bring everything this time since I made you spend all that money and was a jerk and left before telling you why and I'm sorry again and I'm babbling so I'll just go now. See you at six."

"S-see you at six."Tara watched Willow practically run out of the room like she was on fire. Though there was a part of her that was thrilled that the redhead had made another effort, part of her was terrified. What if they became friends and couldn't stop what was inevitable? Worse, what if they somehow became more than friends? Those 'what ifs' were beginning to terrify her more than words could say.


	6. Chapter 6

AN-Thanks for the reviews. Makes me want to write more. Sorry for any delays in posting but will try and keep updating often. Hope you enjoy.

The past twenty four hours or so had passed so quickly for Willow. There had been a little bit of Scoobage afoot as there was now some information about a new possible super villain in the midst. So far, it had nothing to do with witchcraft and therefore the redhead had only somewhat listened. Her only concern was for the safety of innocent people. She knew how painful it was when an innocent bystander got hurt. She had been many times since Buffy had come along.

That was probably the biggest reason that she now found her relationship with the slayer as strained as it was. Though the young woman was hardly to be blamed for what really existed in the world, Willow had found herself hurt in so many ways since their friendship was formed. At first, she had been grateful. But now, she was wondering was it worth it at all.

At least Xander had been her friend since she could remember. There had been only a few strains along the way when their friendship had almost turned into something more. Of course, there was a slight strain now that he was seeing Anya as well. There was still something she did not like and trust about the ex demon. But that was for Xander to deal with not herself.

She had her own problems to deal with now. For a moment, just a blimp of a moment, she had let herself feel sorry for someone else. True, she still did not like the person she was becoming. But it was better than putting yourself in a position to constantly get hurt. Her defense mechanism was always in overdrive finding ways to keep other people at arm's length.

But because her sympathies had gotten the better of her she was standing inside the pizza joint waiting for her order. Soon she would have to find a way of conversing with someone she hardly knew. It was hard enough to form simple sentences when she was around Xander. But it was the right thing to do, if not the easiest.

"So, pizza without us." Willow turned to see Xander and Anya staring at her. It was probably because she had actually left her dorm room and was out in public. "If we'd known, we could have made it a night. Perhaps we could have played poker and invited Buffy and Riley over. It's been forever since the entire gang has hung out."

Willow rolled her eyes. It had been forever since there was a real gang in her mind. "Sorry but this isn't just for me. I'm actually going to hang with someone for a few hours." Before he could say anything, she continued. "And it's nothing more than friendship, Xander. And I wouldn't go as so far as to say friendship either. We're working on an English Lit paper together. Nothing more."

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "I would say those who do protest too much…" He was cut off by her glare. "But like I started to say, would say. I know you better now. I'm surprised you're going to give it a go for school even. I'm worried about you, Will. You're my best friend and have been forever. I just want to see you happy again."

The redhead was grateful when she heard her order number. "That's me. Thanks for the concern but I'll be all right. I'm just peachy keen. Now I have to get going before it gets too late. Don't want to be out after dark in this town if I can help it." Without another word, she raced to grab her pizza and soda. Xander shook his head sadly as he watched her bolt out the door.

* * *

Tara was only slightly startled by the knock on her door. She had been pacing back and forth not knowing what to expect when Willow got there. There was a darkness about the other witch that scared her. And yet, she could not deny her feelings as well. Quickly, she made her way over and opened the door. Without a word, the redhead slid past her into the room. The blond turned and shut the door and locked it tight. "H-hello."

"Hey." Willow brought the pizza to the stand by the bed. It was the only place barely large enough for the pizza and the two litter of soda. She turned and looked into those see of blue eyes that still sent shocks through her entire body. Quickly, she shook off the feeling. "So, any plates or cups?"

The blond witch quickly responded by getting the requested items along with some napkins. "S-sorry. I s-should have had them ready." They sat down on the bed opposite each other and ate in silence for several minutes. "S-so, h-how long have you b-been a practicing w-witch?" The sound of her voice had startled her companion.

Willow jumped at the sound of the sweet voice. She was accustomed to silence now whenever she ate. It was usually hauled up in her own room alone. "Well, I'm not sure you could say I'm a practicing witch. I've done a few spells in my time. Mostly out of necessity. I need someone to help me to focus and to learn even the simplest of things."

"I-I know a few simple b-basic spells." Tara took a drink of her soda. Her throat was constricting from lack of moisture. "B-but I'm n-not very advanced. I-I don't have a lot of r-resources, either. Do you h-have any connections?" She was hopeful as the spell that she had sought out since she could remember had eluded her all of this time.

The redhead shrugged and swallowed her bite of pizza. "Not to be cryptic it's just that I'm not sure. The guy I was studying with has some neat volumes. Some I understand and some I don't. But I need someone with knowledge of it all to help me make heads or tails of it all." She turned and looked into blue eyes once again. Right then she knew that the avoidance she had been trying so hard to do was for the best as her heart was beginning to melt a little. Sighing heavily, she finally said what she had thought Tara had wanted to hear. "Look, why I bolted…"

Her sentence was interrupted by a hand on her leg. That sent chills up and down her spine. "Y-you don't have to e-explain anything to me." Their eyes locked for the longest of times. "I-I have things that I-I don't easily share with others. I-in fact, I try to avoid r-relationships of any kind. S-so if there's something y-you'd rather not discuss, t-that's fine with me. W-we can stick to witchcraft and English Lit."

Willow smiled for the first time since everything had happened with Oz. It was the first time in months that someone had broken through that wall that she so painstakingly had placed between 

her and the rest of the world. In fact, she could actually feel warmness in her heart. It almost scared her the feelings that were coming through.

For the first time since Oz had hurt her she was feeling something other than fear and hate and disregard. She was actually feeling something she could not yet describe. It was giving her goose bumps, these unknown feelings. Her first thoughts were to bolt and run like she had before. But looking into those amazing blue genuine eyes were forcing her to stay. All she wanted was to stay and keep talking to her. It was like a miracle was happening. But would it continue these warm and tingling feelings? Or would the urge to want to push Tara away get the better of her? Only time would tell.


	7. Chapter 7

AN-Thanks again so much for any feedback. Of course, the good kind is especially wanted. Makes me want to write more. Hope you continue to enjoy.

The night had been amazing. Willow had not felt this good in months. In fact, she never thought she could feel this good again. Now she was wondering just how long these good feelings would last. After all the last time that she had allowed herself to feel like this Oz had nearly taken the most precious thing that any of us have and that is our very own lives.

But Tara was different. Besides being a practicing witch and very talented, there was something so innocent and pure about her. It was something that one did not find in everyday life. It was a rarity to find someone that she felt she could trust. The trust that was starting out with a little spark was growing at an exponential rate.

That of course terrified the young redhead. To give into someone so quickly after meeting them could mean only one of two things. Tara either was practically a saint and someone she wanted to make happy or that the young blond was not what she seemed and was hiding something. This something she was hiding was probably bigger than even the redhead could wrap her mind around. All of this terrified her or did it?

No, the feelings she was having were not of terror. Well, not all of them. There were a few of the feelings that she was recognizing for the very first time. They were not like the friendship feelings she had once had so warmly for Buffy. And they were not like the friendship feeling she still had for Xander. They were not even like the ones that she had for a certain werewolf.

These feelings were so much stronger than anything she had ever before felt in her life. There was one explanation but she was not so sure that it was the answer, either in whole or in part. The magical connection that the two shared could be what was heightening these feelings that she could not yet identify.

All Willow knew at this point and time was that she was starting to feel happy again. It was not like before Oz, but it was an amazing change from what she had been feeling. Even Buffy had noticed her humming as she got ready for classes the morning after their all nighter. Something was happening to her and it felt so good.

But it also felt wrong. For if she were going to let herself feel once again than it would open the door to all the pain that she had been avoiding the past few months. Yet, she could not seem to stop the way that she was feeling. She could definitely not stop thinking about a certain blond witch. Tara was never far from her conscious thoughts. Even then, Willow knew that the other witch was in the back of her mind. It gave her comfort and it gave her angst.

What was a witch to do? Well, since willow was so afraid of being hurt there was only one thing that she could do. It would be weeks before she allowed herself to talk to Tara. They would see each other every day in English Lit and they would occasionally see each other around campus but the redhead would never acknowledge that the blond existed. It was better to cut all ties even if that meant that she would be hindered in her knowledge of witchcraft. Her heart and her soul were more important. She could not and would not allow herself to be hurt anymore. At any cost.

* * *

The morning that Willow had left, Tara had asked if she wanted to learn more and to help each other discover more about the elusive art of witchcraft. The redhead had been more than excited to say yes and that she couldn't wait for their next meeting. Yet, here the blond was nearly a month later and her friend had not even acknowledged her existence.

It frustrated her to have found the one other person in the town of Sunnydale that might just know what the real art of witchcraft was about and now to have them shun you completely. Having other people do so had hurt but not like this. There were no words to adequately describe just how much her heart was aching.

Though she had only known the other witch now for a couple of months, there had seemed to be an instant connection between the two. In fact, there had been more of just a connection of witchcraft and friendship on the part of the blond. It had hit her faster and harder than any other time in her young life. Of course, she had only truly been in love once and the other girl had not wanted to pursue a lesbian relationship out of fear of how her family would react.

That had hurt but Tara also could understand as things in her own family were not all that rosy. It was the only time that she had been happy growing up. Her mother had died at an early age and her grandmother was not alive only a year after that. Her father and brother had made life almost unbearable to live. And there was the ever looming secret that there was demon in her and it would come out full force on her twenty first birthday.

Tara knew what she was feeling now. She had fallen fast and hard for Willow and she was afraid. Not because the other witch could not or would not share those feelings but because of what she could possibly do to her in just a couple of years. The last person on earth she would want to hurt would be Willow. Of course, she would not want to hurt anyone.

If they could use the few years she had left to find the spell that could cure her than their relationship would not only have just one of friendship but it would have been to save her life and an untold number of lives. It would have been the best of both worlds for both young women. But that was looking like just a dream now.

Though she longed to have Willow back as her friend and her partner in witchcraft she could not help but think that this was all happening the way that it was supposed to. There was always a reason that things happened the way that they did. Most of the time one does not know why and has trouble understanding the big picture.

Perhaps Tara was supposed to go through life by herself and when it came time for her transformation she would be alone and then she would not hurt anyone. But it was so lonely being by yourself. The people around her had no idea who she was. Her professors had no clue as to who she really was.

The only person that had entered her little world was no longer in it. Again, everyone was on the outside looking in while she was on the inside looking out. If only something would happen and Willow would need her help. But would that be enough to bring them together in any form other than just acquaintances?

Tara stared at the darkened ceiling wondering why she even bothered living. Every person in her life had used or abused her in one way or another cept for two. And they were no longer living and could not help her anymore. She was on her own in so many ways. And she longed for just one look from Willow acknowledging her existence. Then, it would make her entire life worth living.


	8. Chapter 8

AN-Sorry for the lack of updates. I still love writing and would love any feedback I can get. Please, let me know what you think.

Willow was the happiest she had ever felt in her life. She was sitting with Tara in the blond's dorm room. The two had shared a magickal night of exploring the world of the unknown. There was still so much that both had yet to experience and learn about. It was an amazing feeling to be experiencing it with someone that meant so much to you.

Looking into those sea blue eyes was like drowning. But not like losing one's life. It was like you were drowning in a sea of love and that you were warm, well taken care of, and most of all you were needed like no one had ever needed another human being. It felt so amazing. It felt like it was always supposed to be this way.

Tara had leaned over and kissed her on the neck. The feelings that had shot through the redhead's entire body were indescribable. The blond witch gently pulled back the long sleeve that covered the hated lines. So gentle was her touch that Willow could barely tell she was being touched. And yet, it intensified all the sensations running through her body.

Slowly, Tara made her way to the other part of Willow's body that she always kept hidden. Their eyes locked for a moment, each breath's caught in their throats. Ever the more slowly, the blond pulled back the blouse that was the shield. Her lips dragged across the lines, the constant reminders of exactly how much one person can hurt another.

Willow leaned her head back there was so much pleasure. It was not painful like she had imagined it would be if she had let someone get this close to her. The emotions, the sensations were so unlike any she had ever experienced before. Not even when Oz had touched her in this way had she felt so free and yet so bonded to one person. These were feelings she never wanted to stop feeling again. Tara had done the impossible, she had made Willow want to live and experience all that life had to offer once again.

That was when the nasty sound caused Willow to slowly turn over. Her eyes took a second to get adjust to the slight sunlight streaming through the blinds in the window. The sound had already stopped as Buffy was already standing and gathering her things for the day. It took the witch sometime to realize that what she had felt was all a dream. It made her not want to get out of bed. It made her feel so empty inside. The feeling was worse than when she had attempted to shove everyone away.

Tara had opened up a whole new world to her. The Wicca part was only a fraction of what had been offered to the redhead. In her haste to once again not get hurt, she had hurt someone else. The looks that were on the blond's face every time that she saw her spoke volumes. It made Willow feel like a complete and utter jerk.

After finally getting out of bed, the redhead realized just what she must do. Whether she let Tara in all the way and let her dream come true was still to be seen. But one thing she knew now more than ever was that she had a good friend in the other witch and for once she wanted someone in her life that understood. After all, Tara herself had said that she too had things in her past that were not all that great. The two could be quite the team someday if only it was not too late.

()()()()()()()()

The room appeared darker than normal to the young blond witch. Her life was so dark that it could simply be magnifying exactly how she felt. There had still been no word for so long from a certain redhead. With the ones in her family that had cared slightly for her gone, there was nothing for her to hold onto anymore. There was just the deafening silence of being alone.

A solitary tear rolled down from those haunted blue eyes. Just for a moment in time she had thought she had found someone that could understand what she had gone through in her life. For one moment she thought she had found a friend, a partner of the craft, and possibly so much more. If she had it to do all over again she would she would do it exactly the same. For just one touch, one look, one smile from the redhead would have made everything all right. Her life would not be this vast emptiness that went on to the end of time.

Tara looked over at her clock. She should be getting ready for class. But then, she would have to see the one person that had given her so much hope and in an instant had destroyed it like a wrecking ball pummeling through an old brick building. Soon, her very soul would be in ruins as well. Nothing would matter anymore. It would all be over and she could descend into a world of darkness and of peace.

The hand shook nearly violently as it picked up the knife that she had already laid by her side. It was a special knife, the one that her grandmother and mother had used on numerous spells and rituals before her time. Now, it was going to be used in one last ritual. One that would put an end to the legacy that the women in her family had passed down from generation to generation for centuries.

Another solitary tear ran down her cheek as she could sense the disappointment her mother and grandmother must be having for her. They had fought until the end against all the evil that had been cursed upon them. Here she was about to give up on everything that had ever mattered to them. It was just another way for her to disappoint her family and those that cared about her.

The blond witch slowly sat up in bed, her grasp on the handle of the knife becoming almost vice like. As she resolved to finally do what she had been contemplating since she had been forced to be on her own the shaking was lessened almost to the point of an eerie steadiness. Thoughts of how strange it was that now she was calm instead of scared to death. It made her think that she was doing the right thing.

The knock on her door startled her. So much that the knife slipped and cut deep her leg. Blood was instantly gushing all over her bed. In an instant, she was feeling dizzy and nauseous. A faint fuzzy but familiar voice echoed in her mind. It was Willow! She had to fight this feeling of darkness taking over her. It might mean nothing and it might mean everything but Willow was there outside her door. That was the last thing that she remembered.

Willow practically incinerated the door with the spell she used to knock it down with. At this point, she really did not care. All she could feel was this sensation that something was not right with Tara and she had to be in that room. There was something drawing her there like a moth to a flame.

Horror struck her when she took in the sight. Tara had gashed a huge slice in her leg and there was blood everywhere. Barely able to speak, Willow shouted out for someone to call 911. Her words seemed so quiet yet she knew that they were heard. The redhead rushed over to the bed and grabbed whatever she could to press against the leg and stop the terrifying blood flow. "Don't leave me! I can't lose you!"

The words fell on deaf ears as Tara never moved. The paramedics had to practically shove Willow out of the way so that they could do their job. The looks they gave one another spoke volumes to the witch. There was not much time. It would be touch and go. Had the redhead waited too long to realize her feelings? Had Tara been hurt too deep to recover? Only time was going to tell what happened to the young witches.


	9. Chapter 9

AN-More cookies (reviews). I thank you very much. This might be my last update for a few weeks but I'll try and update as soon as I am able. Hope you enjoy.

The last thing that Tara remembered was the pain in her leg and those amazing emerald eyes staring into her own. But that memory was fading fast. The ugliness of the past was what was now so deep in her mind. Her father had not allowed her to visit her mother and then she received the letter. Her mother was dead and she had not gotten to say goodbye. It was exactly how it happened with her grandmother.

So, there was no one left in her life that cared even an iota for her. The two women that had been there for her, even when their mental states were not a hundred percent had been so cruelly taken from her. But the thing that had put her over the edge was the behavior of a certain witch. Why had she let her in only to so hatefully shun her? By now, the blond had thought she had gotten used to people leaving her or rejecting her. Just how wrong she was had been proven by the fact that she had attempted to take her own life.

A voice echoed in her clouded mind. It was a very familiar voice, one that she had not heard in the longest of times. If she were hearing it, she knew that she must not have survived and her mother was now here to take her to the ever after. It was a sad feeling to leave Willow behind but it was also a relief. If she were not alive she would not become a monster and hurt so many innocent people. And Willow could maybe someday find someone that she could actually love and allow herself to be loved back.

"My little one." The voice seemed closer. It was not long before the beautiful shape of her mother's face appeared before her. That brought a sad smile upon her own beautiful face. "Tara, my doll you are not supposed to be here. Have you done something that your grandmother and I would not approve of?"

That quickly wiped the smile off from the young witch's face. "I'm sorry, Mother. I was weak. You and Grandmother were always so much stronger than I was. A little pain and uncertainty and I was going to try to take my own life. Please find it in your heart to forgive me." With that, Tara broke down in tears.

A gentle hand caressed her face. "Shh. It's all right. Everything is going to be all right. You have to have faith in yourself and the one that you love." Tara looked up into glistening blue eyes that were eerily like her own. "You would not be here if you had taken your own life. In fact, you are only in the doorway to the ever after." Those beautiful eyes closed for a moment. When they opened, there was a sad smile upon her face. "It's time for you to go back. Just remember one thing my little doll, you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. You'll need that strength to help yourself through the times ahead and to help the young woman who has stolen your heart. Blessed be my doll. I love you."

"I love you too." Tara smiled ever so sadly as her mother's face faded completely. She could feel someone wiping gently at her cheeks and under her eyes. Carefully she opened her eyes to see a very bright light. It took several moments for her sea blue eyes to adjust to the light. When they did, she saw that it was Willow that was wiping away the tears she had shed while talking to her mother in the ever after. "Hey." Her voice was week, but it had a hope to it. Hope that maybe what her mother said would come true.

"Hey yourself." Willow sat down on the edge of the bed. There were many monitors beeping and flashing around her. But she focused on the face of an angel. "So, who do you love?" That brought a redness to Tara's face. "Relax, I know it wasn't me you were talking to. Just not sure who you were talking to. How are you feeling? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

Tara tried to sit up. There was an instant pain in her leg and her head got dizzy. "Guess that wasn't such a bright idea." The young witch laid her head back down. "I'm fine, except when I try to move." For a moment, they sat in silence. "I was talking to my mother. I never got to tell you but she recently passed away. If you believe in the ever after, then you'll believe that I was able to talk to her before being sent back here."

"Oh, I believe." Willow took Tara's hand in her own. "I'm still learning things about the Wiccan ways. But the first thing I learned was about the ever after. For awhile, it gave me hope when my life became so dark. Then, nothing gave me hope at all." The blond witch turned her head away from the stare of the one she loved so much. A gentle squeeze brought her gaze back to the enchanting witch sitting next to her. "Things have changed since then. I'm starting to change, I think. And I owe it all to you."

"Me?" Tara felt this warmness flood through her. Had she helped this amazing woman want to live again? Had she already made that much of a difference in her life? "What have I done that could have changed your thinking? We've not known each other for all that long."

Willow sighed heavily. It was time that she tell the story. "You see, not that long ago I was happy. I had a boyfriend. But things between us went terribly wrong." Slowly, the redhead pulled up her sleeve. Tara gasped at the sight. Slowly, Willow revealed the other scar. The blond reached out and gently touched each of the horrid lines. That simple touch made Willow shudder. Quickly, Tara pulled her hand back.

"I'm sorry." Tara looked like she was going to cry. "I didn't mean to overstep. It's just that I can't imagine hurting anyone like that. It makes me want to hurt the guy that did this to you. No one should be treated like that. Whether it's physical or mental abuse, no one deserves it. Everyone has a right to be happy and live their lives."

"I know." Willow reached out and took Tara's hand in her own and gently placed it on the horrible scars. "I didn't shudder because of the pain inflicted on me in the past but because you make me feel something I never thought I would be able to feel. I want, in so many ways to open up to you about everything that is happening in my life. But it's still so difficult. For now, I want you here in my life. I'll be here every day until you get out of the hospital. For now, I want our friendship. And that is something I haven't said or thought in so long. Please, can we take things slowly?"

Tara was practically glowing at the thought of friendship with Willow. Though she loved her more than she could say, being close to her and getting to know her better and to help her through the dark things in her past would be more than enough. At least, for now they would be. "I just want to be in your life. As I've said in the past, I have no friends and all the family I had is gone now. I need someone. I need you, specifically. And if we can help each other deal with our dark pasts that would be even better."

Willow felt light inside for the first time since Oz had hurt her the first time. The touch of Tara on her scars had almost been like they were healing them somehow. That touch also sent shivers up and down her spine. The redhead knew those sensations very well. She knew she was attracted to the amazing woman. And she knew that she could, if not already, fall in love with her. But slowly, that was the key. She'd had a long time to learn to hate herself and the world. Now, she was going to try and live again. One day at a time and with someone amazing by her side.


	10. Chapter 10

AN-Hope you enjoy the latest chapter. Thanks for any reviews especially from the one that means the most to me.

It had nearly been a week since the stabbing incident. Tara was still in the hospital. Luckily, there was soon to be the spring break and she would not miss too many of her classes. More importantly to Willow it meant that they could have some time to get to know each other better. The one thing she already knew about Tara was that she was special and in a way that was making her want to become a better person and to live again.

It was a Saturday late in the evening and Willow sat next to her friend's bedside. They had talked all day long or the redhead had helped the blond catch up on any of her missed assignments. These were the kind of days that the young witch remembered spending in high school with Buffy and Xander. It almost made her yearn for her former best friend. There were so many things she would love to confide in her about.

But those days were long gone. Buffy had her own life with Riley and the slayage. There was also the fear that if she let the slayer back into her life it would lead to some kind of heartache for her. Part of her knew it was unfair to blame the slayer solely for the things that had happened to her. But it was a dangerous world that she lived in and anyone that was in her life. Still, if only they could talk for just a little while…

Tara was sound asleep. Though she was nearly ready to be released from the hospital, the young woman had lost so much blood that her iron level and potassium levels were low making her easily fatigued. It was just precautionary that she was still in the hospital. And Willow was loving all the alone time that they had shared.

It had been a long day and coffee was calling her name. It would not be as good as that of the coffee place but she needed a caffeine fix and badly. Gently, she took Tara's hand in her own. She could have sworn she heard a deep sigh come from the young lady. Slowly, she took off on her quest for her fix.

Standing in the hallway outside one of the rooms was none other than the slayer. At first, Willow thought about running back to Tara's room. But, if she were ever to mend things with her best friend she would have to stop running. She kept a steady pace until she was behind Buffy. The slayer turned, a look of great concern on her face.

"How did you find out so soon?" Buffy eyed her friend. "It just happened. I haven't even been able to call Giles and tell him." There was definitely something very wrong. Tears had already been shed by the slayer.

"I'm here visiting a friend." Willow ignored the look she got from her best friend. "I was on a coffee run when I saw you standing here. So, what's going on? Why are you here?" There was a sudden infusion of fear in her heart.

"It's Xander." Buffy collapsed into her friends arms. "He was trying to help me find out more about this Adam guy and the connection it has to Riley's group. I told him to stay behind but he said he felt useless. It's like what happened with Jesse all over again. He nearly got killed then too. Now, I don't know if he's going to make it or not."

Willow suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Her first instincts were to shove Buffy away and to run to Xander. It was not his fault he was always trying to help and being the one with the least powers getting either in the way or hurt. Her heart was trying to blame the slayer once again. But that was just plain stupid. "I'm so sorry. I'm sure he'll be all right. You just gotta believe, that's all."

Buffy stood back quickly and looked at her friend. This was not the same young woman that had so recently shunned her and wanted nothing to do with her. Willow was actually emphasizing with her. "I hate the way this is going to sound, but are you all right? This isn't the way that you would normally react to what I just said. I was afraid you were going to set me on fire or something."

That made the witch smile a bit. It was the saddest of smiles because she realized now just how far away she'd pushed her friends and how the bitterness and anger she felt take over her life so completely. "Let's just say I'm getting help with all that. But what's important now is how Xander is doing. Won't the doc tell you anything?"

The slayer shook her head no. "You talk to him. Maybe you can get something out of him. I'm going to go call Giles." Buffy turned to go but quickly turned back toward her best friend. "It's nice to have you back. We've missed having you around. Just don't go anywhere or change while I'm gone."

Willow watched for a moment as Buffy took off for the lobby. Slowly, she peaked her head into the room that they had been standing outside of. There was Xander hooked up to way too many machines beeping incessantly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." She came up to the bed and took his hand in her own. "I'm sorry I've been a jerk for the past few months. I know I was going through something but I shouldn't have taken it out on you or Buffy or the whole world. I hope that you can someday forgive me."

"We're buds to the end." Xander's eyes slowly opened. His voice was faint and barely audible. "You'll have plenty of time to make up for it with lots of pressies. Oh, and food is always a good thing. I'm so hungry now I could eat an ox. But there are no oxes in California. Oh well, just have to make do with whatever they'll give me."

Now there were tears rolling down the sides of her cheeks. "Oh, Xander." She had missed his goofy humor. Until this very moment, she had not realized exactly how much he did mean to her. Now more than ever she was determined to get back to her old self. If she could, then there were so many things that would be open to her. "You scared us."

Buffy had silently made her way up beside her two best friends. "You can say that again. Giles is on his way." The three stood in silence for a moment. "Will, should you go let your friend know what's going on?" The slayer shot Xander a look telling him she'd let him in on it later. "I can stay here and be with him. I promise you'll be the first to know what's going on."

"Thanks. I would like to let her know what's going on." Willow squeezed Xander's hand before taking off. Tara was still sleeping when she got there. Though part of her wanted nothing more than to see how Xander was something more told her this was her place. She needed to be by Tara's side. It was as if she were incomplete now without her.


	11. Chapter 11

AN-Thanks for the critiques and wonderful comments. Both help me write stronger. I appreciate any feedback. Hope you enjoy the latest chapter.

Willow was where she found herself most of the time as of late. Though slowly she had found herself talking with Buffy and Xander and getting back to where they had once been, they were a long way off. She would rather be here in the dark room where she could be hidden from the world. But, unlike before, she was not alone. With Tara in her life she felt that she would never again be alone.

The two had spent almost every second they could together. Tonight, they were gathered for a reason. One that Tara had seemed reluctant at first to try. But through a little bit of prodding from Willow, she had given in. The two were on the hunt for a demon. Adam was still out there and the Initiative had lost control of their former creation as well as several of the men.

The revelation that Riley's group had created this evil monster had put a strain on their relationship. But yet, somehow, they were still together. Part of Willow hoped that they would stay together as she now understood exactly what it meant to have someone in your life that meant so much and could do so much for you.

The redhead watched as Tara gathered all the necessary ingredients for the spell. She loved to watch the way the other witch moved. There was something so innocent and yet so complicated about her that indeed it was intoxicating to just be in the same room as her. Finally, the two sat across from each other. The pattern was laid out in hopes of finding out exactly where the demon was hiding himself.

"I think that we are ready." Willow's smile was soft and gentle. It was not how she had been in the past year or so. It was how she was becoming once again. "All we have to do is concentrate and say the words in the proper way. Then, when we splash the ingredients together we can see a big bang and see where the big bad are."

Tara smiled at the way that the redhead babbled. It was cute, her words and her mannerisms. But her smile faded as she felt her hands being taken. After all, if this was a demon locating spell would it not also locate her? Both closed their eyes and began to chant. As her time approached to add her ingredients, the young blond decided it was better to let Adam roam around then be caught in this way. So, she poured the contents of her cup under her bed.

"Tara?" Willow's voice was a bit sharper then she had intended. Quickly, the blond witch shrank back away from the redhead. "I saw what you did. Why did you hide the ingredients under the bed?" After several moments of silence, Willow decided to gently prod for the truth. "Does this have something to do with what you once were going to tell me about a secret of yours?"

That caused Tara to avert her eyes away from the beauty that was Willow. She felt a gentle hand bring her gaze back to those emerald eyes. "I tried to tell you once before." Her throat felt like it was being strangled. Her voice was being a whisper in the silence of her dorm room. "It…" She looked into those strong eyes and knew she could no longer resist. "It runs in the females in my family. On my twentieth birthday, I'm going to turn into a demon. I have it in my blood now. Had I let you go through with the spell it might have indicated me."

"Oh." It was a hollow word, Willow knew but all she could manage. This was the last thing that she had anticipated. Buffy and Xander were the ones drawn to demons or ex demons. The closest she had come was falling for a werewolf. And she was attracted in so many ways to Tara. Maybe her first instincts had been right. Perhaps she had been better off just leaving herself shut off to the world. Had she done so, she would not be in the position she was in.

"You don't have to say anything more." Tara quickly stood and made her way to the door. It pained her to do so but she opened it wide. "You can leave. I won't be hurt if you do. I knew it would come as a shock. It's too much for anyone to handle. So just go and be with Buffy and Xander. They miss their best friend. And he needs you more than I do."

Willow quickly stood. She could see the tears forming in Tara's eyes. Though she squeezed hard, one solitary tear found its way down her cheek. In an instant, the redhead's throat was constricting as she too was about to cry. It had been far too long since she had cried other than for Xander. It took only a moment for her to cross the room and stand beside Tara.

The blond witch braced for the sound of the shutting door. Instead, she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. Blue eyes found green ones and both were crying. The next sound she heard was that of Willow slowly shutting the door. Slowly, she was lead to the bed where they sat next to one another. "I don't deserve you."

That brought a quiet chuckle out of Willow. "You don't deserve?" The redhead smiled and brought her into a tight embrace. "I've treated people worse than I would treat my own enemy. You are a saint compared to me. I've done things I'm not proud of. If all you've done is to be born into a family that may have demon in them who am I to judge?"

"You aren't that person anymore." Tara slowly slipped Willow's sleeve up her arm. Revealed were the terrible scars that Oz had left behind. "These are a part of you and always will be. Everything we go through in life makes us the person we are meant to be. If you hadn't gone through this you wouldn't be as understanding of what I'm going to go through in such a short time. I guess what I'm saying is that I think we are the perfect fit for one another."

Instead of pulling her arm away and feeling ashamed of the marks on her arm, Willow instead pulled up her shirt. "The scars run deeper then you might think. And though I am on my way to possibly becoming a better person because of it, I still have a long way to go. But I really think that you are right when you say we are a perfect fit for one another. I have these visible scars where as yours are hidden deep inside of you. I'd love to be able to touch them and give you the kind of comfort you are giving me."

"There is one way." Tara gratefully took the part that Willow had opened up to her and placed gentle kissed on her stomach. "You just have to open up your mind and I have to open up mine. All we have to do is let go and we can be inside each other's very souls if we let our guard down enough. Are you willing?"

Willow breathlessly nodded yes. As soon as she did, she found Tara's lips had found a new target. They were on her own lips. There was an explosion of feelings throughout her entire body. These were feelings she never shared with Oz. Perhaps she had held back with him. All she knew now was that she felt like she was inside of Tara. All the feelings the blond was feeling came flooding into her own being.

It was like this mind meld where all the thoughts and feelings of both young women were being shared in an instant. There was this connection made between the two of them. Now Willow knew what it was like to be in love with someone. Now she knew what it was like to be so completely and helplessly dependent on another human being. Now she knew what it was like to live again.

The phone rang breaking both their concentration. Breathing was heavy for both young women as Tara finally made it to the annoying phone. It was Buffy. There had been trouble. It was time. What they had planned was going to have to take place. There was no time left. All there was to do was to say goodbye. But how could you do that when you knew that you could possibly not ever be complete again if something happened? How?


	12. Chapter 12

AN-Sorry it's been so long. Hope you still enjoy this story. I'm really enjoying writing it. Thanks for all the feedback good and bad. And to my one and only forever is not enough.

It seemed like it had been days since Willow had left. Tara had been pacing back and forth ever since. She had nearly worn a hole in her carpet with the constant movement. In reality it had only been three hours. But the young witch had never experienced a more agonizing three hours in her life. The day had gone from one of the best she could ever remember to becoming the worst.

Finally, Willow had let her in. Finally, Tara had told the whole truth. Finally, the two had shared with one another things that they had never shared with anyone else in the world. The young blond had never even shared things like these with her mother and her grandmother. The things that the two had shared were so intimate that they were now always and forever going to be connected.

Her hand still tingled from the very touch of the rough scars on Willow's arm and stomach. Her lips still felt inflamed by the touch of the other woman. Her entire body now ached with the want and need for the other woman. Indeed, they had crossed that boundary of taking things slow. They had vaulted passed being friends on the verge of something so much more. They were now life partners and would always be a part of the other.

But selfish thoughts were making their way into Tara's head. All she wanted was for Willow to be forever by her side. Yet, her girlfriend had to help fight the evils of life. From the moment that the redhead was born she had been destined to great things. This was something that the young blond had sensed the first time they spoke back in that coffee house. As good as a person as she tried to be, there was a part of her that was jealous. All she wanted was to be in a world that had only herself and Willow in it.

Those kinds of thoughts were unlike any she had ever before. There had been others in her life that had meant a great deal to her but she had never wanted anyone like she was wanting Willow. Wanting wasn't even the right word. It was as if her breath had been taken away from her without the young redhead by her side. It was as if a part of her was missing and it would make going on the most difficult thing in the world.

Now it was Tara who was becoming terrified at the thoughts she was having. After all, she had never wanted to need anyone either. She knew that she could never completely shut out the world. But she had wanted to in a way. In a way, before Willow had come into her life, there had been only one thought on her mind and that was finding a cure for her demon side or having to take her own life to protect the world.

Now only finding a cure for her condition was the only thing that mattered. For now there was one person so special in her life that it would kill her if anything happened. If Willow was hurt or heaven forbid died then there was nothing more worth living for. Tara's heart was suddenly very heavy. There was this fear in her heart and her mind. Something had gone wrong with the spell, she was sure of it. Her Willow was now fluttering in the wind where she could never again touch her.

Tara collapsed on the bed. Tears were a free flow. There was no consoling her. Her life was over. The reason she had found for going on was now at an end. If there was no Willow in her life then there was no life worth living. Sobbing, Tara pulled out the knife. It was the one that had nearly cost her life only a short time ago. If these feelings did not end soon, she would end everything once and for all.

()()()()()()()()

There had been an awesome battle. There were demons and army men getting shredded to pieces all around them. It had been difficult to concentrate on the spell. But once they had found some resemblance of shelter, Willow had come through in the clutch. Buffy had been able to defeat Adam rather easily with their combined powers. Spike had even helped a little in the fray. Now, the battle was over and the government was covering up like it usually did.

Then why was she here? The last thing that Willow remembered was being at Buffy's house. They had stopped by for a moment before going their separate ways. Riley was going to stay here and Xander was going to Anya. Of course, the redhead had wanted to fly to the one that she had fallen for had become so intertwined with.

But she instead found herself in the halls of the old Sunnydale high. They were not in rubbles like she had last seen them. It was exactly how she remembered them the day before graduation. That had been the last real test for the gang before Oz had nearly destroyed their friendship. But a woman had come along that had healed most of the old wounds. She was a healer and a miracle worker.

So where was she? Willow wanted to know where her everything was. Had she not fought once again the good battle and saved everyone from a terrifying fate? Of course, she had not done these things alone. In her heart now she knew that there were four people that would always be in her life in some way. Xander, Buffy, and Giles were the ones that gave her a reason to fight. But what gave her a soul and the reason to fight for everything good was Tara.

"Hey." Out of the shadows a familiar figure approached her. Oz was looking like he did back in high school and not the last time she had seen him. This was back when he still loved her and could control the werewolf within. "I hear you had a big battle. And I hear that you have moved on without me."

Willow blinked hard. This was the last thing she wanted. Her heart had never again wanted to see Oz or talk to him. But here he stood, at least the image of him stood. "The gang saved the world once again. And I have moved on. I found someone that brings out the goodness in me. Without her in my life I can feel this darkness wanting to take over. I need her like I need water and food to live."

"And what about me?" Oz crossed his arms over his chest. "Am I just chopped liver now? Am I something to be thrown out now that you've found someone new?" There was a low growl in his throat. Instantly, Willow was terrified that this vision of her former boyfriend could not continue to control the animal within.

Sighing heavily, Willow carefully took two steps toward her ex. "I haven't forgotten about you. I could never forget about you. Part of me loves you and always will. You were my first in so many ways. But I've now found someone that loves me for who I am ugliness and beauty inside and out. I am now complete. Please leave me to find the happiness that I've tried to avoid since you hurt me so."

"Never!" Oz wolfed out in front of her. He was coming at her claws longer then she remembered. The fangs were already dripping with anticipation of tearing into her flesh. With a thud, he knocked her to the ground. "I will have you or no one will!"

"Expoliomous!" There was a flash of lightening that sent Oz into the wall with a thud. Willow turned to see the one thing that made her whole. "Come here quickly." The redhead did as her girl commanded her. "Resume." Another flash and the two found themselves in each other's arms on Tara's bed. "Sorry I was almost too late."

Willow was crying like she never had before. "I was scared, but not of losing my life. I was terrified I would never get to see or feel you again. I was afraid that you were lost to me forever." For a moment, she managed to pull herself together. "Thank you. But not just for saving my life just now. But for saving it from the nonexistence it once was. You are my savior. And I want to thank you."

Tara smiled coyly. "I'm just glad you called to me. I thought you were dead. Something had told me you were gone. I almost did something stupid once again. But I heard your voice in my head and I knew that you were in trouble. And I couldn't let anything happen to you ever. You are my everything and the reason I want to go on living."

The young couple began to kiss passionately. They would let their hands, lips, and tongues tell the other how they felt. Words were of no use now. But there was one thing that neither of them had realized at that moment. It was not a side effect of the spell. It was not their fears trying to keep them apart. There was something more in the word going on. And it was going to do whatever it took to break these two apart.


	13. Chapter 13

The shadows from the flames danced with hatred casting ominous shadows upon the cavern walls. The hooded figure stood silent while another human looking figure paced back and forth. Things were not going as planned. A vengeful hate was emanating from the humanoid creature. There might have been silence in the cave, but the message was loud and clear. Someone was going to have to pay and soon if things kept going as foreseen.

Finally, the human made its way to the hooded figure. Its whisper was like ice upon ears. Yet the hooded figure only nodded and quickly made its way from the cavern. The latest plan was not perfect, but things had to change. Keeping Willow and Tara apart was the only thing that could let victory finally be obtained. At any cost, it would find a way to win. Though patience was not its virtue, it had all the time in the world.

()()()()()()()()

Willow awoke with a start. There were blurs of the events of last night. At first, she had thought her experience had been all a dream. But she and Tara had soon realized that the spell they had found to combine the powers of the Scoobys had an unexpected side effect. It had brought to life the redhead's fears of Oz ever coming back into her life. And her biggest fear was, she now realized, losing Tara.

It took the young witch a moment to remember all that had happened. Of course, waking up with soft warm arms surrounding you was a new feeling for her. Though Oz had always been gentle, it was not like it had been the previous night. It was so much more than just sex; Willow now realized what she had been missing out on the past few years. It wasn't the physical connection but the emotional connection she now shared with Tara.

That gave her a warm feeling. Part of her wanted to wake Tara and show her how much she meant to her all over again. But part of her wanted to watch her sleep and just bask in the euphoria that was sizzling through her entire body. This was what love and a true relationship were all about. Feeling loved, giving love, sharing everything in your life, good or bad and to be there for each other no matter what.

Tara stretched slowly, careful not to untwine herself from Willow. Feeling the breath of the redhead on her neck was a tantalizing feeling. Even more satisfying was the fact that her girlfriend had not run off after they had made love. It had been a fear of the young blond's but she had trusted that the love they now shared and the connection they had forged would keep them together no matter what.

"Good morning." Willow nuzzled up even closer to Tara. All she wanted was to start kissing her girl. But soon, the evilness that was classes would have to be dealt with. "I could stay here in bed all day with you. I could be with you for the rest of my life and I would never be unhappy, I would never want for anything." The young witch hesitated only a moment. "Tara, I love you."

The blond witch began beaming from ear to ear. Not that long ago, Willow would have never said those words to anyone. Not that long ago, she would have run out on her and without even saying a word. But things had changed and that fast between the two of them. "I love you too. I think I've always loved you, if you know what I mean."

"Mmm." Willow began kissing behind Tara's ear. "I know exactly what you mean. I wanted to fight these feelings I had for you. If Oz had simply left me and not hurt me the way he had, I would have easily let myself fall for you. I look back and it seems like I knew you before you said anything to me. At the time, I had closed all doors on any kind of relationship. I wonder how you were able to break down my barrier and so quickly."

Tara took Willow's hand in her own. "If this had not meant to be, I don't think I could have." The blond's hand began to wander over the length of the woman she loved. It sent shivers down both their spines. "I wonder if we have been together in a past life. That would explain why we feel so connected now."

That thought made Willow sit up in bed. She nearly knocked Tara off the side of the bed. "I'm so sorry! It's just that I've never been into past lives before. What if we have been together in the past? What if something bigger than just the two of us finding love is happening?" She smiled sheepishly at her wonderful girlfriend. "Sorry, I think I've been part of the Scooby gang way too long. I see conspiracy when all there probably is is the love that we've found together."

"Not necessarily." Tara too sat up. The sheet that had been covering her body slipped to the ground making Willow's heart skip a beat. "My mother, when I was very young, told me that she felt that our family had existed before. There was a spell she had tried to use but had failed because she needed another witch to perform it. Perhaps we can find out what our past was and then what the future might bring." She made her way over to her bookstand where the volume she had wanted awaited her.

Willow quickly made her way behind her and put her arms around her. Gently, she kissed the back of Tara's neck. "Maybe we could." She turned Tara around so that she could look into those amazing blue eyes. "Part of me is afraid to find out. I know I have you to help me through anything now but what if it's something we can't handle?"

Tara leaned and kissed Willow on the forehead. "If we've handled in the past we should be able to handle it in the future. Unless you think whatever it is has grown in strength. But I think we have as well." She sighed heavily. "It's up to you. I'd need a few things from the magic shop before we could perform the spell. Plus, we have class in about twenty minutes."

"Oh vey." Willow shook her head and sighed. "I was trying to forget about college. But you're right; we do have to get to class. Why don't we just think about it and if we think we want to find out we can gather the ingredients and do the spell this weekend. First, there's something else I want to have happen. I want you to meet Buffy and Xander."

That made the blond witch blush. If Willow wanted her to meet the gang she knew that this was more than just a fad for her girl. Words say only so much, it's actions that speak volumes. "I'd love to meet everyone. I want everyone to know that I am yours and always will be. I want the whole world to know."

Willow smiled. She felt so proud, so loved, and so good for the first time since Oz had hurt her so deeply. This was what she had dreamed of when she was a little girl. She had never wanted a fancy wedding or everyone to fuss over her. All she wanted was to find someone that loved her, scars and all. But there was still a part of her that was afraid. And that fear could very well come true, sooner than anyone realized.


	14. Chapter 14

AN Sorry no thanks for the reviews in last update and sorry so long since my last update. I hope you are still enjoying and as always thanks for any feedback. Greatly appreciated. And to my love, well, you are my Tara.

Willow had never felt so nervous about anything in her life. But it was something she needed to do so desperately at the same time. If she were to overcome all the negative things she had thought and done the past year she would have to let Buffy in on her secret. And she would hope that her best friend would be able to accept the new love in her life.

Xander had been easy, sorta speak. All he had wanted from the beginning was for his best pal to be happy. At first it had taken him back a bit. But in the end, he had seen this coming. There had been small changes in Willow over the past few months. Had he thought it was a woman in her life? Never in a million years had that even occurred to him. But she was almost like the Willow he had loved since they were kids. It was the most amazing transformation he had ever seen. And he was honored to have been let in on something so wonderful.

The young redhead was not so sure how Buffy would react. They had all heard her talk about Tara when there had been spells and such. But had any of the suspected what was really going on between the two witches? She knew that Xander had been shocked at the news. But he had quickly gotten over that with his usual goofiness. And for that, she would love him as a friend, more like a brother, till the end of time.

But she and the slayer had grown so far apart the past few months. Xander and she had the connection of their childhood to keep them going. What really had kept the two women friends the past few months? Was it simply the slayers need of her knowledge both in the computer and witchcraft area? Or was their friendship also the kind that would transcend time?

As the door opened and Buffy walked into the slayer's home, the answer was soon to come to light. The slayer noticed Willow standing instead of sitting on the big comfy couch. Actually, even more surprising was the fact that her friend was there. Willow had been spending a great deal of time with Tara and the two had not spent a whole lot of the brief summer break together. A bit of jealousy was there as the two were finally getting back to being the friends they once were. "Hey, Will. How's it going?"

Willow swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "There's something I need to talk to you about." She watched as Buffy made herself comfortable on the big pillowy couch. "You know Tara, at least from how much I've talked on and on about her. From that you can gather how close we've become."

The slayer eyed her friend for a moment. There were the tell tale signs of nervousness oozing from her friend. Normally, at least since they hit college, Willow was neither shy nor nervous. Of course, she had shut out the world. This was a different side to her friend she had not seen in a very long time. "The two of you are like peas in a pod. It's nice that you have someone that knows about the witch stuff."

That brought a nervous smile onto the redhead's face. Buffy had no clue as to what kind of relationship she had with Tara. That was going to make this that more interesting to tell. "You see, it started off as a kind of friendship. Of course, it was hard for Tara to even get me to say anything to her. But that slowly changed as I felt something different towards her. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before."

Slowly, there was a dawning in Buffy's head about where this conversation was going. Quickly she stood and began straightening the house. "Well it's great that you've got someone, Will. Xander and I were worried about you for the longest time, Will. I mean, you can't stay mad at the world just because one person hurts you, Will. You just have to get on with life, Will."

Part of Willow wanted to burst out laughing at the obvious nervousness the slayer was now exuding. For someone that faced down death every single day, it was funny to see her get this worked up about a simple conversation. "Why do you keep calling me Will? Is it because you've figured it out about how close Tara and I really are? Do you have a problem with that?"

Now the slayer's face was bright red. "Don't be silly, Will." Now Buffy chuckled softly. "I guess you really did throw me for a loop." She came over and took Willow's hands in her own. "I had no idea that you were in a relationship with Tara. Does it shock me? No. It does surprise me if only because I know how much Oz had hurt you and how much you had vowed not to have anything to do with love again. All that matters is that my best friend is happy. And the past few weeks is the happiest I've seen you in a very long time."

"I am happy." Willow pulled Buffy into a hug. "Trust me when I say it was the last thing on my mind. One, I wasn't looking for even friendship from anyone. Two, I hadn't realized I was attracted to women. In some ways, it's not that we are two women. It's about the spiritual connection we've found. Although, I have to say, I now know what all the fuss is about."

"Will!" Buffy burst out laughing. Her friend had a devilish grin on her face. "You never stop surprising me. I'm glad you've got someone. I wish I knew if I could say the same thing." With a gentle squeeze of her hand, the slayer knew that Willow wanted her to continue. "It's just since The Initiative disbanded, it seems that Riley is lost. I'm not sure if he can handle me being this super human whatever it is I am."

Willow sighed heavily. It seemed that none of their relationships lasted long. But she knew in her heart that she and Tara were forever. "Well, if he can't it's his loss. You are a great catch. Sure you have a dangerous job that no one actually knows about. But you are who you are. If he can't accept the whole package then he needs to find someone else. You need someone to love you for who you are scars and all."

"Speaking from experience." Buffy smiled. "You are lucky, Will. Now, when are Xander and I going to get to meet this Tara? You know we have to grill her and make her uncomfortable as possible. It's what best friends do."

"Soon. I'm going to tell Giles this afternoon. Then I thought we could all go to dinner or something." She looked around the house. "Perhaps here, if your mom doesn't mind. Though you know me, not so sure if I should be the one to do the cooking. Take out would be in order instead."

"Mom would love it. She's missed you guys." Buffy smiled big. It faded slightly as she sensed something. It was as if something were telling her that there was trouble brewing. Was it her spider senses tingling? Or was she just trying to make trouble now that she and her friends were finally back on the mend?

()()()()()()()

"You have your orders." The shape took true form for the first time. It appeared to be as if Miss Calendar was standing before the young woman. "You want what you want and I've promised that and more. All you have to do is keep up your end of the bargain, witch."

Amy nodded her head. Her entire body was shaking. Dealings with something so powerful could come back to bite her on the butt. But it was a chance she just had to take. There were things she needed that her own natural abilities would never afford her. Now, she must do something she could only loathe doing. But it was either her or someone else to do this evil's bidding. It might as well be from someone close to Willow. It would hurt all the more and yet be so much easier. As the witch left the cave, she realized just how far the apple had fallen from the tree.


	15. Chapter 15

AN Hope you like my latest chapter. As always, feedback is a nice thing.

Willow snuggled up closer to her girlfriend. The two had an interesting summer. They had spent time with Buffy and Xander and become real close. It was hard to believe that they were gearing up for the start of their sophomore year in college. Time really did go fast when you were having fun.

But it had not been a whole lot of fun. True, Willow had been lucky to find to people that had loved her in their own ways. One loved her so strongly that it tore them apart. One that loved her so completely that she wanted for nothing in the world. The only thing she could as for was to find a cure for her girl's problem. Either way, they would face it together.

It also hit the young witch how unfair she had been to Buffy the past year. To blame solely the slayer for the way Oz had treated her was not right. Had her best friend not come in her life, things might have been different. But they also could have been the same. One never knew what life was going to throw at you next.

That made her stiffen, a reflex born out of the past year or so. The thought was an ugly one in her mind. After all, happiness had her arms wrapped around her so why would she go looking for trouble? But something was telling her that something was going to change all of the things that had gone so right in her life the past couple of months. But what could be so big to do that?

The annoying buzzer went off and she felt her lover stretch and turn toward her. "Good morning." Tara planted a passionate kiss on Willow's lips. She felt her girlfriend press her body closer to her. "Now, we have to get our schedules today. We have plenty of time for that later." A little pout was on the redhead's face in an instant. "I promise."

That made the pout turn into a devilish smile. "That gives me something to look forward to. And perhaps plan all day long." Quickly, she sat up and felt a little smack on her bottom. "You know that just turns me on." Her eyebrows wriggled up and down. "Of course, you turn me on period." She leaned back down for a quick kiss before getting up and getting her night clothes back on. "I'll be back in a few. Unless you want to join me in the shower."

Tara blushed bright red at the thought. "Sorry, my love, but the only way that's going to happen is when we have the privacy of our own shower. Not so into the public displays of affection. But it is something to think about in the future." She winked at her girl and began gathering her things as well. "I'll come with you, but not join you."

"Spoil sport." Willow took Tara's hand in their own and kept a tight grip on it all the way to the showers. "I'll meet you back in the room." The young blond smiled and found shower stall next to her girlfriend's. After showering, Willow looked around for Tara. There was no one in the showers. That was strange this early in the morning. She had just gotten her robe on when someone entered the shower room.

"Well, Willow Rosenberg as I live and breathe." Instantly, Willow was engulfed in a hug. "Bet you never thought you'd see me again, at least not human any ways."

"Amy?" Willow blinked heavily trying to figure out whether she was really seeing her former friend or not. "How? Why? I mean, it's good to see you as you and not a hairy rat. I've been keeping you in the cage for the longest of times. Glad that somehow you got out of the hairy situation you were in."

"It's a long story." Amy looked Willow up and down. "You don't look much different. We'll have to have coffee sometime soon and I can let you in on the story of my evolution. Well, that is to say let you in on how I became human again. But not today. I have too much to do. I registered here as a freshman. So, I'll be seeing you around campus."

"Yea. I guess we will. And I definitely want to know how you got to be you again." Again, Amy engulfed her in a hug. This time, Willow could have sworn she heard her friend whisper something in her ear. "I'll see you around." Without waiting for a response, the young witch shot out of the showers. She was nearly out of breath when she made it to their dorm room.

"Hey you." Tara was already dressed and gathering up her list of classes she wanted to take. When she saw the look on her girl's face, she quickly put down her things. "What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Willow wrapped Tara in a big hug. "In a way, I guess I have. I never told you this but I did have a witch pal named Amy. That's partly how I got started. Long story short, Buffy, Amy and I got into some trouble when a demon cast a spell on the town. Amy got free by turning herself into a rat. I hadn't been able to restore her to her normal self. Well, she just walked into the showers. It was kinda, well, shocking to say the least."

"Oh, my poor baby." Tara carefully tucked one of Willow's stray hairs behind her ear. "This just gives me another reason to make it up to you later. After we do all the stuff that we have to do. And it makes it that much more fun."

"Don't touch me." Willow backed off quickly. "I'm not like that. It's dirty. It's evil. You're evil if you are like that." There was an instant look of hurt on Tara's face. Tears formed immediately in the corners of the blond's eyes. The redhead shook her head. It was like there was this haze forming inside her head. "I'm so sorry. I have no idea why I said those hurtful things. I love you." She pulled Tara into a tight embrace. It felt right and yet it felt wrong at the same time.

"Maybe seeing Amy after all these years was more of a shock then you thought." Tara smiled lovingly at her girl. "I know that's all it is. Now, let's go grab some breakfast and then we can get our schedules. Sound like a plan?"

"Yea. Sure." Willow smiled absently at Tara. As if she were programmed, she gathered her things and followed her lover out the door. It took all her strength to concentrate. It was as if something were clouding her mind. Something was not right. What it was, she could not say. But she knew that she had to find out what it was before it was too late.

()()()()()()()

Miss Calendar, or at least her figure, stood over a pool of water. She had just witnessed the events that Amy had put in motion. There was an evil smile on her face. It was the beginning of the end for the two witches. And if it was the end for them, it meant it would soon be the end of the slayer. Finally, things would be righted. Finally, things would go the way they should. Hell would rain supreme on earth once again.


End file.
